"Our habits often obscure what we’re really worshipping, but that doesn’t mean we’re not worshipping something. The question is, what are we worshipping?” — Justin Whitmel Earley, The Common Rule
I attended the Alveary Grove retreat last month: a weekend of rich ideas, beauty, and the challenge to embody the ideas we value.
Our speakers, Sarah Spring and Angelique Knaup, addressed the idea that it is not only the ideas we think about and consume through the world that shape our heart, but also our daily actions. Our habits - our daily practices - reveal to us where our affections and priorities lie, or will at least determine where they will eventually lie. They are sweeping us in a direction, both physically and spiritually, and sometimes it’s not the direction we would have chosen consciously.
Good habits take some effort but where we don’t put in effort, we default to a habit anyway . . . an easier but often less helpful one. The good news is that small efforts in the right direction do add up. Stealing a phrase from Cindy Rollins, we can "faithfully plod" in the right direction. And if we can reap benefits from small, steady progress, we can be mindful to encourage our children in this way too.
Although the verse "train up a child in the way he should go and he shall not depart from it" is sandwiched between warnings on finances, its wisdom could pertain to other areas of life. The verse hints at an established way of thinking. Charlotte Mason refers to the idea as laying down the rails. It would be lovely to think that if I wanted a child to help take out the rubbish and recycling bags, I could ask them once and then I have handed over that task. Yet I know that it has little value or appeal to them so I should rather expect to help them remember, or set up their own reminder system, until it is an established rhythm in their week. In time, their repeated actions will help them to remember. In time, they will grow to appreciate caring for a home and the people within it. Habit training is teaching them to act one way even when it’s not how they are emotionally feeling. And it needn’t be something we only use for household chores. I’m currently thinking how to lay the rails with preteen mood swings, where reasoning with the mind seems futile but working on repeated actions brings hope.
When I think of developing habits as directing affections, it allows me to disciple my children with much more patience, humility and gentleness. Knowing that small actions in the right direction do add up, I can be less fearful that this moment right now is the only one I have to instill a certain value. It is also a huge motivator for my own life and allows me to reflect where small changes in my day can help embody the virtues and values that will bring glory to the one who gave me my days.
Thank you Claire,
It's been so good to look at habit training from this perspective.