It’s a Journey not a Race

Comparing ourselves to our peers or our children to their siblings or friends sends the message that we are all cut of the same cloth and that there are objective standards determining who is the winner, which is not the case. We are Humans Beings – we be, not do. We are unique and cannot be measured according to human standards. Our worth should not be so frivolously tampered with. When we compare we either elevate ourselves or reduce others and both lead to a sad state of affairs. At times, I have felt a sense of being tossed by waves; destabilised because I forgot who I was in a moment when others were shining bright. The joy that was mine drowned in the ocean as I grappled with my confidence and self esteem in stormy seas. In other instances, I have regarded myself as better than someone else only to experience a stinging belt of sorrow when my pride has come before an inevitable fall. The fruit of our lives can take a very long time to ripen and it would be best to let God do the weighing up later on when we stand face to face with Him. It is wise to simply be the best we can be, running our race to win the prize for which Christ has called us heavenward (Philippians 3 v 14), not running to beat our neighbour.

We need a constant, a source, a stabilising anchor on which to attach our worth and the Bible speaks of the Solid Rock on which we stand. A sure foundation! Where does my help come from? It comes from the Maker of Heaven and Earth, and so I look to the hills like the Psalmist says in Psalm 121 – I look up, beyond my own miserable circumstances where I appear to be failing, not meeting the grades, pegged lower than her or him or them. I look past the ones I want to measure myself up against, and I look to the one who says, “How beautiful you are my darling,” (Song of Songs 1 v 15) and “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.”(Jeremiah 1 v 5) My face becomes radiant without shame (Psalm 34 v 5), and my heart settles as to who I am and whose I am. I cannot be measured by another and neither can you, we can only be a better or worse version of ourselves. When we try to be like somebody else, we forfeit all the wonder we could be experiencing at living our very own truest life; and the world is poorer for it, too.

When we are secure in our identity, we begin to point out one another’s strengths. We are able to admire, celebrate and applaud others; elevating them without feeling threatened, judged or horribly less than. As this becomes our culture; we affirm and are affirmed rather than sitting quietly in the shadows of others, each of us in the dark without even knowing it. It’s a funny thing with shadows. If we are in one, it’s not the other person’s position that is the trouble, it is ours! We have put others between the sun and us and we then sit in the dark of our own doing. We ought to keep Christ as our main focus and not look to man who only has fragile breath in his nostrils (Isaiah 2 v 22 and Isaiah 51 v 12). As we gaze on Him, the Source of the Sun, shadows disappear and our faces shine. It is possible to position ourselves, even in a group, in such a way that our faces are all gazing at the Light – holding hands, shoulder to shoulder, not one person behind anyone else.

Over the last decade, my children and I have belonged to and met up with other home schooling mothers and their children. We have intentionally built community as best as we have known how. We have made mistakes and we have been outstanding. Community is tough but it is worth it. We read together, sing together, eat together and find ourselves in pursuit of all things beautiful and true as, together, we seek God Himself. We have discovered the power of shared-awe in knitting hearts together. The seasons come and go and each one looks different but we get stronger and we get better; together. Once, we stood arms linked, shoulder to shoulder, in a circle facing outward. An outward show of solidarity and our backs safe in the middle, all of us with a good visual of the area in front of us – inwardly linked and outwardly alert. We have said things like “I hold your heart carefully,” and “You belong because you don’t fit in.” Brene Brown says “If I get to be me, I belong. If I have to be like you, I fit in.” We have admired and embraced one another’s good ideas and traditions and we have knocked warts and rough edges off because that is what happens when you journey in close proximity with others. We celebrate marriages that don’t give up, bless one another’s children and have witnessed countless miracles over the years as we have prayed together for God to make a way where there hasn’t been one. It’s a privilege to journey together in this way. It requires vulnerability and a whole lot of grace, but I pray that each one of you gets to experience what I have. If you haven’t found your people yet (and remember, they probably won’t be just like you) ask God to show you who they are. Begin to celebrate others, show interest without feeling threatened, be courageously authentic and treat others how you would like to be treated and see who gathers around you because they like the fragrance you carry.

Peer-pressure shakes our God-given flair, and there is no room, in this journey together, for opposition and competition. Whenever you feel unsettled, destabilised or in someone else’s shadow, look to the SON. Find your bearings and your peace and then with openness and without judgement say, “Oh! Is that how you do it?” We can learn so much from one another, if we believe the best of others at all times. That is love itself. And love never fails (1 Corinthians 13 v 80).

Psalm 62 v 6 – 9 (MSG): “Everything I hope for comes from him, so why not? He’s solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul, an impregnable castle; I’m set for life. So trust Him absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for him. God is a safe place to be.”