I recently finished reading Modern Miss Mason by Leah Boden, and I was encouraged by the freedom that Leah is giving homeschooling moms across the globe. This post is a narration of part of a chapter Leah wrote called Creating Soul Space, and I have sprinkled it with some of my own thoughts too.
"Serenity of a Madonna.—There's a reason why the old painters, no matter how different their ideas about other matters might have been, all had the same idea about the proper role model for a Mother. The Madonna, no matter whose painting you look at, is always serene. This is a great truth. If seeing this lesson with the eyes would have a calming influence on the heart, then it would be worthwhile to hang our walls with Madonnas from all the early Master painters! Does this seem unattainable for mothers in these anxious, stressful days? It may seem hard, but it's not impossible. If mothers would learn to do for themselves what they do for their children when they're over-stimulated, households would all be happier. Let the mother go out to play! She should have the courage to let everything go when life becomes too stressful, and just take a day, or even a half day, alone, to go out into the fields, or enjoy a favourite book, or go to the art gallery and gaze long and intensely at just two or three pictures, or relax in bed, without the children. Life would go on more smoothly for both parents and children. The mother would be more able to have the attitude of 'wise passiveness,' and she wouldn't frustrate her children with her continual interference, even if her involvement is only with her hand or eye. Instead, she'd just let them be."
—Charlotte Mason V. 3, pp. 34-35 Paraphrase
Does the serenity of the Madonnas seem unattainable in our stressful and anxious days? Miss Mason says that when we are over-stimulated, our homes would be happier places if we did for ourselves what we would do for our children. We need to get out and play.
We should take a day, or even a half day, alone and without the children! Some of us may be a little shaken by that thought. A half a day without the children? Do we feel waves of guilt at the thought? If so, we must beware of the niggling little lie that we are being reckless and aren't fulfilling our duties as mothers if we take time out for ourselves. Maybe we are comparing ourselves with those moms who seem to be doing it all, and because we fall short of the ideal, we don't permit ourselves to play. High ideals and false expectations tend to be good friends!
Leah quotes an article in the Washington Post entitled "Why It's Good for Grown-ups to Go Play". In it, psychiatrist Stuart Brown talks about the effects of the lack of play in our adult lives.
"Play is a basic human need as essential to our well-being as sleep, so when we're low on play, our minds and bodies notice," Brown says. Over time, he says, play deprivation can reveal itself in certain patterns of behaviour: We might get cranky, rigid, feel stuck in a rut or feel victimised by life. To benefit most from the rejuvenating benefits of play, he says, we need to incorporate it into our everyday lives, "not just wait for that two-week vacation every year."
Leah writes, "Playing contributes to a healthy mind, body, and spirit and is known to boost our confidence and self-esteem. It forges positive relationships and connections, triggers our problem-solving skills, and stimulates creative thinking. It keeps us functioning well under stress and releases endorphins that help us cope. Play is not just an activity but a state of mind. It reminds us to be less intense and not take ourselves too seriously. It doesn't take much of a mental leap to recognise how much this kind of attitude and approach to life can have a positive effect on our children and in our home. It turns out that fun is a serious business that is worthy of our effort."
"Our view of motherhood," says Leah, "determines how much we prioritise play." Do we love this noble vocation of motherhood? Are we willing to invest the time and effort to stay like one of the serene Madonnas we looked at earlier?
The kind of play we are going to look at isn't about zoning out in escapist scrolling or bingeing on a Netflix series; neither is it pampering self-care —which all of us love at times—instead, it is an engaged play that cultivates the gardens of our hearts for the beautiful work of motherhood.
How do we let everything go when life becomes too stressful? In her book Present over Perfect, Shawna Niequist talks about 'fake-resting', where you appear to be resting, but your mind is speeding down the highway of mothering, wife-ing and housekeeping at 200 km per hour. This is not proper rest that rejuvenates and fills our cups.
John Mark Comer's The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry has some practical ways to walk in rest. If you are a person of faith, you would appreciate his chapters on Silence and Solitude, Sabbath, Simplicity and Slowing Down.
If you feel overwhelmed by adding rest and play to your schedule, this may be your opportunity to bring order into your life, ensuring you cut back and simplify, set priorities, get things done, and have enough time to do them. You may need to learn the necessary habits to stick to a schedule and set priorities.
Do you have any ideas on how you can truly rest? Leah says to "list the activities that delight your soul yet rest your body." Please take a moment now to write them down before you continue reading.
Do you remember the quote at the beginning of this talk? Miss Mason said we "should have the courage to let everything go when life becomes too stressful, and just take a day, or even a half day, alone, to go out into the fields, or enjoy a favourite book, or go to the art gallery and gaze long and intensely at just two or three pictures, or relax in bed, without the children."
Let's look at some of the forms of play just mentioned.
'Go out into the Fields'
How often do you go for a walk or hike in nature? When was the last time you lay on the grass, let it tickle your ears and watch the clouds sail by? Have you collected wildflowers and pressed them? How about making time to be alone in the fields? Bring along a nature journal/or take your camera and record the wonder and beauty you experience.
The Peace of Wild Things
Wendell Berry
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
'Enjoy a Favourite Book'
"The wisest woman I ever knew… told me once, when I asked her how, with her weak health and many calls upon her time, she managed to read so much, "I always keep three books going—a stiff book, a moderately easy book, and a novel, and I always take up the one I feel fit for!" That is the secret; always have something "going" to grow by."
—PNEU article titled A Mother Culture
I love how Leah breaks her reading into the following categories:
Read for Devotion: Bible, book of poetry (I've had Mary Oliver on my pile for a few years now), and a devotional book, e.g. Chamber's Utmost for His Highest.
Read for Delight: This is where fiction fits in. Leah says, "Fiction keeps us in the story, awakens us to wonder, and stops us from being so serious." I tend to get lost in fiction so I have to watch that it doesn't take over my reading time.
Read for Depth: This is the stiff book mentioned earlier. It will be a book that stretches your "concentration, imagination, vocabulary and capacity for understanding." An example of this could be classical literature like Homer's Odyssey or a play by Shakespeare.
Read for Discovery: which could overlap with 'reading for depth'. Discovery reads could be books on educational philosophy, health, personal interests, hobbies, science or research. The world is your oyster!
Whether you read for five minutes in the bathroom or spend hours on the couch, remember to enjoy your reading experience and grow by it.
'Go to the Art Gallery'
When was the last time you went to an art gallery, walked amongst sculptures, listened to spoken word, or attended the theatre?
In the book The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron encourages us to have artist dates once weekly to "explore something that interests you. The artist date need not be overtly 'artistic' —think mischief more than mastery. Artist dates fire up the imagination. They spark whimsy. They encourage play. Since art is about [the] play of ideas, they feed our creative work by replenishing our inner well of images and inspiration."
Grab another mamma's hand and encounter beauty in the different art forms!
'Relax in Bed'
Are you getting enough sleep or burning your candle at both ends? After the baby and toddler years, we all tend to sleep lightly, and learning to sleep deeply again takes time. Good sleep guards us against disease, so invest time in learning to sleep well. Don't take your phone to your bedroom! Switch off all screens two to three hours before bed to reduce blue light exposure before you sleep. "Blue light is a portion of the visible light spectrum that can influence alertness, hormone production, and sleep cycles. This wavelength of light is emitted by LED and fluorescent lights, as well as many electronic devices."¹
Are you getting enough exercise and sunshine? Are you eating a varied diet?
I think Hobbies --and learning the skill in order to do them -- should be on the list of ways to play. Painting, dancing, knitting, embroidery, archery, carpentry, jewellery, and quilting are just a few of the options in the wonderful world of hobbies.
Remember, life would go more smoothly for both you and your children if you took the time to nurture your playful self. As Miss Mason said, you would be "more able to have the attitude of 'wise passiveness,' and [you] wouldn't frustrate [your] children with [your] continual interference, even if [your] involvement is only with [your] hand or eye. Instead, [you'd] just let them be." Strong words!
Psst. It is time to put one of those ideas you wrote down into your schedule!
Go, play, mamma!
Have you read Robyn's Blog-post titled Pattern and Pace? She has some great ideas to add rhythm and rest to your life.
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